B r a i n C l e a r

Sorting through life one thought at a time

Tag: humor

  • Life as an Analyst

    The truth is, we spend most of our days trying not to follow every interesting rabbit hole the data puts in front of us.

    Someone asks for “just a quick number,” and three joins, two CTEs, and one existential crisis later, we’ve found it—along with four other numbers nobody asked for but that we now can’t stop thinking about. We tell ourselves we’ll ignore them. We do not ignore them.

    Case in point: I sat down last Saturday morning to look at one weird number. Four hours later it was afternoon, I still hadn’t finished, and nobody on earth had asked me to work on a Saturday. That’s not dedication. It’s curiosity… with questionable boundaries.

    I’ve always loved puzzles. Crossword puzzles, logic puzzles… it doesn’t really matter. I don’t even mind asking for a clue now and then. The fun isn’t knowing the answer. The fun is figuring it out.

    That’s probably why I became an analyst.

    The truth is, half our job is explaining that correlation isn’t causation, while the other half is secretly hoping it is—just this once. It would make the story so much cleaner.

    People think analysts spend their days building reports and dashboards. We do. But what we really do is ask questions.

    Why is that number different? Why did it change? Should those two reports match? What happened here?

    Every dataset tells a story. Our job is figuring out what it’s trying to say.

    We build dashboards that we genuinely hope will help people make better decisions. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they’re opened once, admired for thirty seconds, and never seen again.

    The truth is, nobody actually wants the raw data. They want the one number that confirms what they already believed walking into the meeting.

    We know this. We give them the number. Then, gently, we show them the other numbers.

    This is called being thorough. It’s also called hope.

    Every “quick question” is a Trojan horse for a two-day project, and we say yes anyway—not because we have to, but because we’re curious like that. Somewhere between the fifth JOIN and the sixth GROUP BY, this stopped being a job requirement and became a personality trait.

    We don’t fix the data because someone asked us to. We fix it because leaving it wrong feels like leaving a picture frame crooked on someone else’s wall. It nags at us until we fix it. Or maybe that’s just me.

    I didn’t finish that Saturday problem in one sitting, by the way. I came back to it Sunday. I’m still a little annoyed about it.

    Maybe that’s the real job description nobody puts in the posting.

    Not “Proficient in SQL, Power BI, Tableau, SSIS…”

    Although yes, preferably someone who can also remain reasonably calm at 11 p.m. when a package fails for reasons the error log refuses to explain.

    No.

    The real qualification is curiosity.

    Someone who can’t walk past a number that doesn’t quite fit without wondering why.

    The most honest conversation in any company happens in a footnote that says, “Excludes outliers.”

    Almost nobody reads it.

    We read it. We wrote it. We know exactly which outliers were excluded, why they were excluded, and we probably have strong opinions about whether they should have been excluded at all.

    That’s the quiet, slightly obsessive, deeply curious life of an analyst.

    Chasing the number nobody asked for. Straightening the picture frame nobody noticed was crooked. Following one more rabbit hole than we probably should.

    Because every unexpected number tells a story. And every story begins with someone curious enough to ask one more question.

    Our minds aren’t wired to stop at the answer. They’re wired to wonder what else we might be missing.

  • The Rabbit Hole of Overthinking

    “I was thinking maybe, someday, I’d like an electric car. Five minutes later I was calculating battery production, worrying about climate change, imagining my dogs overheating, and wondering what kind of planet my nieces and nephews will inherit. Meanwhile, my perfectly good car was sitting in the garage wondering what it had done wrong.”

    Anyone else’s brain take the scenic route?

  • Sunday Funday

    Every Sunday I become the CEO of Good Intentions.

    My agenda includes meal prep, organizing, exercising, watering the plants, answering texts, reading a book, and somehow relaxing.

    I got up at 6 a.m. with a solid plan:

    Walk the dogs and get some work done before my 9 a.m. Pilates class.

    It’s now 11:30.

    I’ve taken the dogs on a long walk, gone to Pilates, gotten sucked into my current audiobook, spent way too much time comparing Apple Watches because mine is a Series 7, and somehow it’s almost lunchtime.

    The work I got up at 6 a.m. to do? It’s still patiently waiting for me.

    Funny how some days you can be busy for hours without touching the one thing you originally planned. Then again, the dogs had a great walk, I moved my body, and I got lost in a good book.

    Maybe Sundays aren’t meant to be efficient. Maybe they’re just meant to be lived.

    And after all… it’s only lunchtime. There’s still plenty of time to get a few things done.

    At least that’s what the CEO of Good Intentions keeps telling herself while sipping tea and making absolutely no move toward her laptop.

    Just wondering… am I the only one who creates a to-do list worthy of three people every Sunday?

  • How to get out of your funk

    Watch a Frenchie walk.

    It always hits me on our walks just how ridiculously cute his little Frenchie butt is.

    No matter what’s going on in my head, watching that tiny wiggly butt marching down the sidewalk somehow makes everything feel a little lighter.

    Therapy is great.

    But Seriously,

    That tiny wiggly butt has the power to fix at least 37% of life’s problems.

    Don’t have a Frenchie?

    A French baguette won’t wiggle…

    …but it might still improve your day. 😄🥖

  • What Your Dishwasher Says About You

    There are many ways to load a dishwasher. Only some of them should be legal.

    Forget astrology.

    Forget personality tests.

    If you really want to know someone, ask them to load the dishwasher.

    The Architect

    Every plate faces the same direction.

    Bowls are perfectly spaced.

    Nothing blocks the spray arms.

    This person has quietly reloaded the dishwasher after someone else walked away.

    The Optimist

    “One more plate will fit.”

    It won’t.

    But hope springs eternal.

    The Dishwasher Believer

    Places an entire plate of dried cheese, salsa and yesterday’s casserole directly into the dishwasher.

    Has complete faith that modern technology can overcome the laws of physics.

    The Chaos Artist

    There is no system.

    Large bowls covering small bowls.

    Plastic balanced on glass.

    A frying pan somehow occupies 40% of the dishwasher.

    When asked why they loaded it this way, they simply shrug.

    The Silent Corrector

    Says absolutely nothing.

    Waits until everyone leaves the kitchen.

    Quietly opens the dishwasher.

    Turns the plates around.

    Moves the bowls.

    Rinses the dried cheese.

    Closes the dishwasher.

    Never mentions it again.

    Until now.

    So…

    Which one are you?

  • 11 Things to Do When You Want to Punch Someone in the Face

    Just in case you ever feel like this 💪

    1. Punch them in the face.

    No. Don’t do that.

    1. Move them to the Fake Friends Zone.

    You know the one. The place where people stay on your Christmas card list but somehow never get invited anywhere.

    1. Post something outrageously happy on social media.

    Nothing says “I’m fine” like a picture of a sunset and a quote about gratitude.

    1. Do absolutely nothing.

    A surprisingly underrated strategy.

    1. Go to your special spot.

    A porch, a park bench, a walking trail, your car in the Target parking lot. Wherever people are less likely to annoy you.

    1. Visit a dog park.

    Dogs are generally better than people.

    1. Get distracted by a hobby.

    Knitting, painting, gardening, gaming, baking, reorganizing your spice rack for the third time.

    1. Write a strongly worded message.

    Then delete it.

    1. Make a mental note.

    Not everyone deserves front-row seats in your life.

    1. Sleep on it.

    Things tend to look different after a good night’s sleep.

    1. Realize they probably aren’t worth the energy.

    The older I get, the more I realize that protecting my peace is usually more satisfying than winning an argument.