B r a i n C l e a r

Sorting through life one thought at a time

Category: Reflections

  • My friend Sussi is a DJ.

    Not in the she likes music and occasionally DJs at a friend’s party kind of way.

    She’s Acid Sussi.

    She’s been playing clubs and events around Stockholm for years. She’s played Boiler Room. She and her longtime partner have a DJ duo called Solid Sliders, and they just put out a track called “Get Ill.” And more than a decade after she started doing it, she’s still out playing on weekends.

    I find this ridiculously cool.

    But here’s the thing.

    I knew her when she just had the records.

    So. Many. Records.

    We met in school, although I don’t remember exactly when we went from knowing each other to really becoming friends. What I do remember is that music was always a huge part of who she was. She loved vinyl and, for as long as I can remember, wanted to DJ.

    And then she actually did it.

    There’s something really wonderful about watching someone you love actually do the thing they talked about doing when they were young.

    Sussi and I have a lot of history long walks that turned into long talks, all-nighters spent talking and dancing in equal measure, raves we found our way to together. There are entire pieces of my younger life that have Sussi in them.

    And after all these years, she’s still one of the people I can talk to about absolutely anything.

    And when I say talk, I mean talk.

    We can take one subject and disappear into it for hours. We don’t just exchange opinions and move on we dig, we question, we turn a thing over until we’ve looked at it from every angle. One thought leads to another and suddenly we’ve spent hours on something most people would have wrapped up in twenty minutes.

    She also knows me well enough not to simply tell me what I want to hear. If I come to her with something difficult, I’ll get the love. I’ll get the understanding. And then, somewhere in there, she’ll ask a question that makes me stop and reconsider the whole thing.

    And now the friend who has always been willing to dig a little deeper has officially become a therapist.

    This year, Sussi graduated from Karolinska Institutet and is beginning an entirely new chapter in her life.

    She’s had quite a few chapters already. She’s been a hairstylist. She studied psychology. She became a UX designer. She became Acid Sussi.

    And now she’s a therapist.

    Who’s still a DJ.

    Of course she is.

    What I love about her story is that she never seems to have discarded an old version of herself to make room for the next one. The psychology student didn’t replace the girl with the records. The UX designer didn’t replace the DJ. And becoming a therapist isn’t going to make Acid Sussi disappear.

    She just kept adding chapters.

    And the more I think about it, the more I suspect neither the DJ nor the therapist is really a new version of her. They were both there all along the girl surrounded by records who wanted to make people dance, and the friend who could spend hours talking about life, people, and why we do the things we do.

    I remember the records.

    I remember the long conversations.

    I remember the dancing.

    And now I get to watch one of my closest friends begin yet another chapter of her life.

    I’m incredibly proud of the therapist she’s becoming.

    I love the friend she’s always been. ❤️

    And I still think it’s pretty damn cool that she became the DJ.

  • The Art of Connection

    In the past couple of days, the idea of connection has been on my mind.

    A close friend told me that after taking a DNA test, he discovered that his ancestry traced back to Nigeria, specifically to the Igbo people. Since then, he has embraced that part of his heritage and sometimes uses it as a way to connect with new colleagues at work. For him, it’s a way to let someone know they’re not alone, that there’s another person who might understand what it’s like to sometimes be the only one in the room who looks different, and that they, too, have every opportunity to grow and become everything they dream of.

    My first reaction was:

    Yes, but you’ve never been to Nigeria. Your parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents were all born in the United States. You can say your heritage is Nigerian, but are you Nigerian?

    I think that way because I’ve experienced the opposite.

    When I go to Swedish events, I often meet people who introduce themselves as Swedish because a great-grandparent emigrated to America. They’ve never been to Sweden. They don’t speak Swedish. In my mind, I’ve always thought of them as Americans with Swedish heritage rather than Swedes.

    But the more I thought about it, the more I realized maybe I was looking at it from the wrong angle.

    After all, it’s kind of sweet.

    We’re all looking for something that makes the world feel a little smaller. We look for common ground, an opening to start a conversation, the possibility of a new friendship, and the reassurance that we’re not alone.

    Yesterday I wandered through H&M, and for a moment it felt like the comfort of home. I go to Swedish events because I enjoy speaking my language and sharing traditions. And when I meet another European, especially another Scandinavian, there’s an immediate familiarity. We may come from different countries, but there’s an unspoken understanding that we grew up on the same side of the world.

    Might that be what connection is all about?

    It doesn’t have to be nationality.

    Sometimes it’s as simple as being the only two women in a room or us both having dogs. I do this all the time. If I meet another dog owner, especially someone with the same breed as mine, we instantly have something to talk about. We compare food brands, swap funny stories, show each other pictures, and somehow complete strangers become people we’ve connected with, even if it’s only for a brief moment.

    I’ve even noticed that dogs seem to do something similar. They get excited to meet other dogs in general, but they also seem to recognize their own breed.

    I think we’re all just looking for that sense of belonging.

  • The Milk, the Bees, and Time

    My mom had me when she was very young, so I spent a lot of my childhood with my grandparents. They lived in the countryside about 90 minutes from Stockholm, where they grew their own vegetables, and my grandfather was a beekeeper. He loved his bees and believed just about everything could be cured with a bee sting and honey.

    Looking back, everything seemed so green and beautiful.

    Just down the road was a farmer where I would go to help out, mostly because I wanted to be around the animals. That’s also where we bought our milk. If it was cold outside, Grandma would leave the milk on the porch. Otherwise, it went into the refrigerator, where the cream would slowly rise to the top.

    Every morning she would take a spoon, carefully skim off the thick layer of cream, and pour it into a glass. Then she’d look at me with a smile and say, “Now this is real skim milk.”

    The joke, of course, was that I insisted I wanted the skim milk from the grocery store.

    There were only two buses a day from their little village into the nearby town of Avesta. Sometimes we’d take the bus to swim at the indoor public pool or simply wander through the shops. When you’re a child, everything feels enormous. The town felt like a city, and even an ordinary bus ride felt like an adventure.

    My grandfather came to Sweden from Poland after the Second World War. He met my grandmother, fell in love, and stayed. Even on the day he died, he still spoke Swedish with his own unmistakable accent. He was a wonderful grandfather to me, although I later learned there were other sides to him. My mother, aunts, and uncle have shared stories of how hard he could be on the family. It’s funny how we can know the same person so differently.

    Memory has a way of opening one door after another. One thought leads to the next until you’re wandering through places you haven’t visited in years.

    One thing I remember my grandmother saying was, “The older you get, the faster the years go.”

    At the time, I thought, Right…

    Years felt endless. School semesters seemed to last forever, and summer vacations felt like entire lifetimes.

    The funny thing is, I don’t ever remember my grandmother being young. Looking back, I realize she was only 42 when I was born. Forty-two. Younger than many grandparents are today. But in my mind, she has always been wearing her house dress, with her short curly hair, standing in the kitchen, always baking or cooking something.

    She was one of those people who always seemed to be in good spirits. Looking back, I know she had lived through difficult times, yet she never lost her sense of humor. Even in the final years of her life, she was quick with a joke and somehow managed to make the people around her laugh.

    Now, years later, I finally understand what she meant.

    The future has a way of arriving quietly. Things you once thought were impossibly far away are suddenly here, and something that happened a year ago can feel like yesterday.

    Maybe time doesn’t actually speed up.

    Maybe we just get better at noticing how precious it is.

    That’s also why I choose to write the way I do.

    Life has never been free of heartache or worry. Like everyone else, I’ve had moments that changed me, and there are stories I may tell one day. But there is already plenty in this world competing for our attention: headlines, arguments, and reasons to feel overwhelmed.

    This little corner of the internet isn’t meant to ignore those things. It’s meant to make room for something else.

    I want to remember the taste of fresh milk from my grandparents’ farm, my grandmother’s laugh, the adventures that felt enormous when I was little, the dogs sleeping at my feet, and all the ordinary moments that quietly become the memories we treasure.

    Because when I look back on my own life, it’s the ordinary moments that have stayed with me the longest.

    And I’ve noticed something else. Many of the stories that are hilarious today were anything but funny when they happened. At the time I worried, cried, overthought, or wondered how I’d ever get through them. Twenty years later, they’re the stories that make everyone around the dinner table laugh.

    I wouldn’t choose to relive them, but I have learned that time has a remarkable sense of humor.

    That’s why I write about the lighter side of life. Not because difficult things don’t happen, but because eventually, if we’re lucky, some of them become stories instead of burdens.

  • Patriotism as an Expat

    Thinking about patriotism today on Americas birthday.

    Living here has made me think about it in a way I never really did growing up in Sweden.

    If Sweden whispers, “We’re proud to be Swedish,” America says it with a microphone. Sometimes I joke that Americans want to make sure you never forget what country you’re in and all those flags certainly help.

    The funny thing is, I don’t think Swedes are any less proud of their country.

    We just seem to show it differently.

    I’ve often wondered if part of the reason is that loud national pride can feel uncomfortable. There seems to be a quiet awareness that celebrating “us” too loudly can start to sound like excluding “them.”

    You see it when Sweden plays in the World Cup or the Olympics. Suddenly the blue and yellow flags appear, everyone is glued to the TV, and strangers celebrate together.

    One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that many Swedes seem to become even more patriotic after moving abroad.

    When you grow up in Sweden, Midsummer, Lucia, crayfish parties, cinnamon buns, and those long summer nights when the sun barely sets and you’re complaining because you need blackout curtains just to sleep, are simply everyday life.

    You don’t think much about them because they’ve always been there.

    Then you move away.

    Suddenly you’re explaining Lucia to your American friends. You’re driving across town to find Swedish candy. You get excited when you hear someone speaking Swedish in the grocery store. You celebrate Swedish traditions with a handful of other Swedes, trying to recreate a little piece of home.

    Even IKEA becomes more than a furniture store, and H&M becomes more than a clothing store. They become little pieces of home.

    It’s interesting how distance can make you appreciate things you once took for granted.

    Maybe that’s one of the unexpected gifts of living abroad you don’t just discover a new country, you rediscover your own. 🇸🇪

  • Don’t Believe Everything That You Think

    There are times when my mind becomes my own worst storyteller.

    If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably replayed a conversation over and over, wondering why someone said something, why they did something, or whether you missed a hidden meaning. I know I do, especially when I’m feeling anxious or uncertain.

    A simple comment can turn into an entire story in my head. Before I know it, I’ve connected dots that may not even exist, assigning motives and meanings without any real evidence. Hours later, I’m mentally exhausted over something that may have been completely insignificant.

    I’ve realized that anxiety has a way of doing that. It tries to protect us by filling in the blanks, but it often fills them with fear, insecurity, or worst-case scenarios. The story can feel incredibly real, even when it’s based on very little.

    That’s why one quote has stayed with me:

    “Don’t believe everything you think.”

    I first came across it in the Swedish book Du kan ha fel (You Could Be Wrong) by Björn Natthiko Lindeblad. To me, the quote isn’t about dismissing our thoughts or pretending our feelings don’t matter. It’s a reminder that thoughts are not facts.

    When anxiety takes over, a delayed text becomes rejection. A short answer becomes anger. A forgotten comment becomes proof that something is wrong. Before long, we’ve created an entire story without realizing that’s exactly what we’ve done.

    I’ve certainly done that.

    The quote reminds me to pause and ask myself, “Do I actually know this to be true, or is this my anxious mind filling in the blanks?”

    Sometimes my first interpretation isn’t the right one. Sometimes the story I’ve created exists only in my own mind.

    After all, thoughts are just thoughts. We don’t have to believe every single one of them. We get to choose which ones deserve our attention.     

  • The Tiny Seed Knew

    The Tiny Seed Knew

    “The tiny seed knew that in order to grow, it needed to be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness and struggle to reach the light.”  

  • A – B – C – D ‘s of getting out of your mind

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    We all go through challenging times in life when you really feel like you are never going to be able to move on and feel better.

    This is a trick for a too busy mind, when feeling down in the dumps.

    A – Acknowledge

    Accept that you are feeling down and that it’s OK!

    B – Breathe

    Sometimes when we are going through hard times we forget to breathe, taking a few calming breaths will automatically bring you back to the present moment.

    C – Curious

    Be eager to learn about why you are feeling this way?

    D – Distract

    Get busy doing things that will keep you in the middle meaning not going down to on the negative side. When you are having a hard time being positive is usually pretty impossible and we tend to head towards the dumps where everything is dark. Distract your self to stay as much as possible in the neutral space.

    For me things like working out, binge watching my favorite Netflix show and working ( I love my job) works. I really have to make an effort to not have too much free time while I go through hard times. Not to run away from them I am just temporarily moving them back to a place because I might need them later in life. Just so I can have a little Middle time and gain some energy for life.

    This is how I picture it so when I say staying in the neutral place I am meaning to stay in the middle of your emotional state.

     NEUTRAL IS OK!! 

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    Photo by Mikes Photos on Pexels.com